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A Painful Pruning

August 14, 2013 by Leave a Comment

It happened so quickly.  I plucked one dead flower off the branch. And then another.  And another. This felt good,  I knew I was helping to prune the plant and by taking away all the dead yuck, I was making it a much better flower.  I was helping this flower live a much better life.

 

And then…oops.

 

I pulled off a live flower.

 

And it was a really pretty one

 

Crud.

 

In my haste to take all the yuck away, I too quickly ripped out a sweet part. A part that could really bring joy to someone.

 

And while I cleaned the fallen petals, ripped yuck, and this one beautiful example of life off the bench, I remembered my tone the afternoon before when I was criticizing my husband.  In front of the kids.  As I was telling him how I thought he should step up and talk to the lifeguard about my son’s lessons, I was trying to help him to become a “better dad.” And while I thought I was getting away the yuck, I think I pulled a little life from him.  What does it look like if I am “fixing” him all the time?  What message does that send my daughter?  What message does it to send to my sons?

 

In a message I heard my  pastor teach, “Your words can make someone revile the gospel.”  More specifically, my words and actions can make someone hate the gospel.  By ripping apart my husband like I ripped off those dead parts of the flower, I inadvertently ripped a living part of him, in doing so I was not showing an example of grace and love to my children that should be found in a marriage.

 

Now, I am not saying that spouses should not ever argue in front of their children.  Quite the opposite, personally I think it is healthy to have some disagreements in front of the kids as long as your children see a resolution and that during the disagreement, there was an element of respect displayed by both parents.

 

And when I thought of what I did to him, I remembered different times I tried to “fix” my kids by making them into a little adults that acted more like me. For my daughter specifically, how many times have I been frustrated because she acted differently in a situation than I would and I tell her how to fix it.  Could it be that with every “fixing ” session, I might accidentally pull a piece of her uniqueness that God created in her?

 

May I choose my words carefully and prayerfully.  May I join my daughter in being pruned by the Holy Spirit and not by calloused words.

 

Now, your turn, was there ever a time when you were pruned in a hasty manner or was there a time when someone challenged you so gracefully, it actually brought you more life?

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