I am struggling with my self-confidence. I know that I am supposed to love myself for who I am and everything, but I am truly stuck. Some girls at school are calling me names, and it is just bringing down my confidence in myself. I don’t cut myself or anything, but I have tried cutting, but I just won’t let myself do it. I was just wondering what would be the best way to raise my confidence in myself. I have talked to my parents, but I am just too scared to tell them that I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. Have a great day.
S- Thank you so much for your note and for sharing what’s going on in your heart. I’m so sorry this has been such a season of pain and sadness in your life. I want you to know that I’m praying for you especially today.
First of all, I want you to remember that you don’t have to be afraid to share with your parents about how you are feeling. I think they would care deeply about your hurts, just like they care about your successes in school. This is a tough battle for a lot of teens, and especially a ton of teen girls, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. Bullying is a really big deal and I can understand why it leaves you feeling negatively about yourself. I want you to really think about telling your mom or dad. I know there have been times when I’ve been scared to share things, but it’s usually because I want to protect someone else, or because I’m afraid that they will be disappointed. Trust me, your parents will love you no matter what.
Secondly, I’m sorry that you feel so STUCK.
I know that I was stuck in a pattern for a long time in my life. I felt like I was a car in the mud and no matter how hard I pushed on the gas, the wheels would just turn and dig me down further.
I’ve always struggled with loving the way that I look – especially when I felt I didn’t fit the same mold as other girls my age. I felt like there was nothing I could do to stop worrying about my body and start actually feeling comfortable in my own skin.
I didn’t try cutting, but I did make myself throw up. Sometimes we think we can do something drastic to feel differently or make a change, but the truth is I needed something stronger than myself to create change. I needed something stronger than self-esteem, self-confidence, and quick fixes. Hurting myself was only… hurting myself. I was digging my wheels deeper into the mud.
Even now, as a 32 year-old, the lie that says: You aren’t good enough because of the way you look – creeps in and wants to threaten all the confidence I have in the Lord.
So what do I do when that lie knocks on the door of my heart?
1. I claim truth. I read and remember the words that God has said about me.
2. I remind myself the value God has placed on my life.
3. I drop the lie that if I can just raise my self-esteem everything will get better.
4. I keep myself encouraged and grounded by reading the words of others who have struggled just like I do.
5. I cling to WHOSE I am, rather than who I am or how I’m failing.
6. And finally, I remember the hard road that I’ve walked and how I don’t want to go back there again. I’ve got too much to look ahead TOWARD. I want to keep fighting.
I needed something outside of ME to pull me out. In my own story, God has used His Word and truth, books, accountability, and especially counseling to give wisdom and insight into my “stuck” situation. But more than anything, God has replaced my self-doubts with confidence in Him through a deeper relationship with HIM.
I believe that God does not desire for us to stay in that muddy place. He wants to pull us out of the pit. God wants our hearts and he is fighting for them. I truly believe this. And I’m happy to say that He is helping me get free, even in the smallest of ways. That’s also my same prayer for you.
No matter what I might infer about my looks or weight, or even what others might say – the TRUTH is what I must cling to, even if I don’t always feel that it is true.
“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, NIV
I’ve found the secret of freedom to be different from what the world says. I haven’t learned six steps to higher self-esteem. Instead I am learning to reprogram my mind and know my Heavenly Father MORE. How He sees me is the only thing that matters.
Praying for your heart today, S. Please write again soon.